Today’s the day! The day that’s going to change everything! I obviously woke up really early because I was so excited to get my day started. I remember my mom made me a special day breakfast, which consisted of my favorite, dropped eggs on toast.
My dad went with me down to Ellsworth to the DMV. Remember to use your mirrors. Oh and don’t forget to buckle your seatbelt. My dad knew I was wicked nervous, so I guess that was his way of calming me down. I saw the DMV in the distance, it made me that much more nervous.
We went in and signed in. The DMV wasn’t what I had expected. It was an extremely large room with about 50 chairs on one side and cubicles on the other. There were many other young people they’re waiting to take their driving test also. We watched people come and go, and then they called my name, Cassandra Gourley…(women’s voice)
Oh my god. I became completely paralyzed. It was “the women”. This is not happening right now, it can’t be. At that point, I knew it wasn’t going to be the day Cassandra Gourley got her license. As I walked towards the women to head outside to my car, I felt myself slowly dying.
Turn right at the light please. You can take the next left. All right, now you can park right there in between those two cars. This was it I thought to myself, now don’t fuck this up. I went in for the parallel park and every inch of my body began to sweat. I checked my mirrors, lined my car up, put it in reverse, turned my steering wheel to the left, and started backing up. And just like that, I succeeded perfectly. Man am I good or what!
There she goes. She pulled out a piece of thin yellow paper out of her enclosed clipboard. I got it! I got it! I couldn’t believe it. I tried to act like I didn’t notice, like I had full attention on the road and tried so hard to not to let her see me smile. Now turn onto Church Street at the next left and continue back to the DMV. My anticipation was growing out of control. I pulled into the first parking spot I saw and threw my shifter into park. Congratulations Cassandra, you now have your license. YES! YES! YES! My cheeks started to hurt because my smile was so big. Thank you so much, as I shook her hand.
I jumped out of my seat and ran inside to find my dad awaiting my return. As soon as he saw me, his face lit up and I knew he was proud of me. I got it!
That's how to tell a story! Keep the reader guessing, crank on the suspense, build up to it slowly.
ReplyDeleteMy only suggestion: this is a classic tale of innocent youth in conflict with hard nasty realities (in the form of a "grumpy old woman.")
If it had been mine, I would have described her as she appeared to you--sharpened teeth, twigs in her hair, a necklace of crushed teenage hopes, whatever. A visual of who was beside you in the car helps the story develop in the reader's mind. Make sense?
Yes i agree. could of helped the reader be able to picture being in the car with me better.
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